Salina and I go waaay back. Freshmen-in-high-school-on-a-junior-college-campus back. Now here we are, 20 something women with babies! Salina is one of my favorites because she is honest, she helps her community humbly, and she is completely unapologetic of who she is. Keep reading below to get to know this amazing mama a little bit more :)
What was your first year of motherhood like?
Our first year together was magic. I am so glad I took advantage of capturing as many photos/videos as I could, because even now I find myself looking back in awe at the growth of my son as well as the maturity of me as a mom.
Something I learned rather quickly in year one was that the universe laughs when mom's think they have a "plan" (because why would it ever be that easy?!). I had a really detailed drug-free birthing plan that went to shit as soon as I went into labor. Being forced into an emergency C-Section was not ideal for me. I also wasn't prepared to have trouble breastfeeding my son. My C-Section delayed my milk supply and once it finally came in (days later) he didn't have a proper latch. He was underweight those first couple months and that really tore me up inside. During this time. I was also battling post-partum depression and recovering from the C-Section. I felt so inadequate that I couldn't get something as natural as vaginal birth down or as "easy" as breastfeeding.
Motherhood in year one also forced me to better at asking (and admitting I needed) help. Like, honestly, it really does take a village to raise a child. My partner was in law school (2 hours away) 5 days out of the week, so it often felt like I was a single mother. I went back to work full-time when my son was 3 months, and this left me even more exhausted. My mom --along with my Dad, little sister and little brother-- really came to my rescue most days. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have had a good rest, a decent meal to eat, and/or the energy to keep up with my son.
What I enjoyed most in that first year were the snippets of personality presented to me. So early on I realized how much my son is like me (figures, since he & are both Gemini's). He is stubborn and wants things done his way. I never had to worry about him meeting the milestone of talking either because he has been communicating (and smiling, and laughing) with me since birth. His mission in life is to go boldly wherever he goes, even if nobody around him is ready for it. I learned this when he started walking at 9 months old and jumped into our pool at 11 months old. Now I know why "Mom's know everything" because we literally see them as they are so early on.
In that first year, I felt like I really embraced the role of a mother bear, a protector and fighter of her family. I found myself cutting out people --so easily-- who either 1) did not congratulate me on the birth of my son and/or 2) did not make efforts to visit him. I know this sounds harsh, but honestly he was the best thing to ever happen to me and if people (especially "friends") were not responsive to that than I didn't feel like they were no longer necessary on my journey. This felt like spring cleaning! What I gained in return was a community a mothers who knew exactly how I felt
Has your outlook on motherhood changed since your miscarriage?
I am thankful my first pregnancy went full-term because I was not so hardened by loss to be excited about creating life. Now, having experienced miscarriage, I am too scared to be excited by the two parallel pink lines indicating I'm pregnant. But what I've learned from my motherhood experience thus far is this: There will be scary times and there will be not-so scary times. I feel pain because I know the joy of motherhood, and I feel joy because I know this pain has made me softer. I am thankful for both.
It's remarkable how much I can love someone, especially someone I have never met. And how even with my partner and almost 2 year old, I still have so much love left to give. If it wasn't for motherhood, I would not have learned this so quickly
Best moment of motherhood
Best moment of motherhood: My partner and I had left my son for 3 whole days with my family while we traveled to a wedding in Mexico. He was 9 months old. While we were away, we'd Facetime him and watch him try to walk. I was dying because I was so far away from him! But when we came home, and I walked through the door to hug my baby, he took the fastest most beautiful 5 steps to get to me! Not only did I get to be there for this milestone, but I also was in shock that he somehow hustled enough energy (and skill?) to walk at 9 months old! How sweet it is to be loved by someone so much that they defy the odds to get to you.
I told yall she was amazing. Salina brought up a couple of worries every first time mama has, and it reminds me how important it is for us to talk and share about these things. Who better to talk to other than other mamas who have gone through it? Thanks Salina for letting me take a peek into your mamahood, you're killing it <3 Check out her Instagram below to catch more glimpses of her beautiful family.
EDIT: Salina just announced on Mothers Day she's expecting her rainbow baby in November!